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People assume that because they are with a person they know pretty well, they also know how their mate feels about these topics. Sit down with your husband to have this discussion.

If he has sexual desires that he talks about with women online, then ask him to tell you what those are. Are there risks that you might be willing to take in terms of new behavior?

Second, there's the issue of expectations you two have not discussed.

This situation underlines the importance of checking in with one's spouse or partner about the various aspects of long-term relationships: finances, in-laws, jobs, children (if any), housekeeping, plans, and sex. So, even though you said your vows and have been together for a while, it sounds like the topic of online chatting and surfing porn sites never came up.

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Don't be surprised if you cross paths with people in your local area; a lot of people use FCN's sex chat service.

Q: I made the mistake of clicking on a little email window that popped up on my husband's computer.

I discovered that he's been surfing porn sites and going to chat rooms to have sex with other women online.

You may want the help of a sex therapist to unravel this tangled situation and reassemble a situation that works for both of you. It didn't end with you leaving me standing on that corner, where the wind was cutting through everything but me because you had me so turned on I could have been naked in the snow and the snow would have melted.It didn't end because I wasn't imagining that the soul-searing kiss I saw you give her was not only for your pleasure, but to entice me as well.That way you have the opportunity to say, "Yes, I'll do that," or, "No, I won't." You can also ask what prompted him to think that he was doing right by you in this marriage by finding sexual satisfaction online. Your husband may have sincerely thought that he was not straying from your marital vows, or he may be using the technicality that there was no physical contact to dodge the issue that he feels sexually dissatisfied in the marriage.Evaluate yourself as well: Have you been shutting him out sexually? In either case, talk about what sexual fulfillment means to both of you.

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